The Wilderness

And you shall remember that the LORD your GOD led you all the way these forty years in the wilderness, to humble you and test you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not.

Deuteronomy 8:2

Pray for Spendy Spend

Here are two pictures of Spendy with Megan. She told us that she prayed for Spendy and us each time she held him.

We just got word from Gretchen that Jean Nathan sees Spendy's mother all the time. Recently when asked how Spendy was she said he was not feeling well. Please pray for Spendy as we do not know what is going on other than that. We are thankful that though we feel helpless, God sees and there is never a moment when Spendy is not in His eye. We thank you ahead for your prayers on this sweet boy's behalf. Oh, how we long to hold him and help him.

Thus says the LORD: "Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the LORD.

Since my last blog Spendy has indeed gone to be with his mother. God continues to give us peace as we remember who He is and that all is in His hands. We believe that God is writing this story and though we do not see the end He does. We know the holder of the pen is trustworthy.

The Holy Spirit continues to minister to us and encourage us to trust God and to endure. Downloading and listening to sermons, continuing to daily read the Bible and pray, along with reading books by Godly men have all been means He has used to speak His truth to us, to remind us of what is real. One of the books I have mentioned several times is called Trusting God (written by Jerry Bridges). If you don't own it, you should! Another book that has blessed me much over the last year is called The Attributes of God; it is by Arthur W. Pink. Pink's book was first brought to my attention at the Faith Biblical Counseling Conference in Indiana in a lecture by Stuart Scott on the goodness of God. He said that when he is counseling someone, he always gives counselees homework from this book. He assigns a chapter a week, telling the counselees to note and write down what they learn about God and how it applies to their current situation. Scott's point in giving the homework is that no matter what the reason is that compelled the person to come to counseling, his or her greatest need is to know God more. In knowing Him they will be encouraged and begin to see themselves and their problems in the light of His reality. Scott is right! As I have read and re-read Pink's book, doing what Scott suggests, I have been given encouragement, as well as hope.



Here are some quotes from the preface to The Attributes of God:


"A spiritual and saving knowledge of God is the greatest need of every human creature."



"The foundation of all true knowledge of God must be a clear mental apprehension of His perfections as revealed in Holy Scripture. An unknown God can neither be trusted, served, nor worshipped. "


"Something more than a theoretical knowledge of God is needed by us. God is only truly known in the soul as we yield ourselves to Him, submit to His authority, and regulate all the details of our lives by His holy precepts and commandments."


How thankful I am for who God is and what it means for us in the midst of all the circumstances of life. He has been our constant Rock, our Strong Tower, our Refuge, our Strength, our Encourager, our Hope, our Point of Reference. He is who has kept us from feeling panicked. We are waiting and watching with anticipation to see what God is doing with Spendy and us. We certainly know that through Spendy God has given us a deep concern for His orphans that we did not have before. He has made it very, very personal.

"What is crooked cannot be made straight."

We received news yesterday that Spendy's mom still wants him back. By this writing, he is probably with his mother. A cloud descended on the house last night after I heard the news. I lost my appetite, and, instead of a family dinner at the table, sat holding Shanley as we cried. Through all the tears I was aware that God has heard every prayer we've prayed. He has indeed answered, yet He has answered differently than we would have chosen. Why I do not know, for unlike Him I do not see the end from the beginning. I am not about what is best in the big scheme of things. I am not as I should be, first and foremost about His glory. I want to be, but in reality I am not.

I relate a lot to the Israelites. Last week as I thought about the situation with Spendy, I pondered on the fact that when Moses went to the Israelites and told them that God had heard their cries for deliverance and was going to take them out of the land of Egypt, they must have been so happy. What good news this must have been to them. They must have been shocked when the first of the plagues started! To my way of thinking if God says He is going to deliver me, I think OK...today, let's go, magic wand, yet that wasn't at all how God did it. He did it in a way that unmistakably showed His hand both to the Israelites and the Egyptions. He displayed His glory against the dark back drop of the plagues and then the impossible situations He put forth. He made sure the Israelites knew He was the One who had delivered them. Perhaps God is doing something similar with Spendy and will deliver him into our family, then again perhaps not. I do not know; I dare not expect that He is doing such a thing, yet I know He certainly could. I have never been so aware of His sovereignty, His absolute control. He has been in all of this, even the twisted, crookedness of it. Ecclesiastes 1:15 says, "What is crooked cannot be made straight."

The crookedness of it all has been, and continues to be, a purifer, revealing the truth of who I am and who God is. Jerry Bridge's book Trusting God has again ministered to me this week. Bridges speaks about how probably "the most valuable way we profit from adversity is in the deepening of our relationship with God. Through adversity we learn to bow before His sovereignty, to trust His wisdom, and to experience the consolations of His love, until we come to the place where we can say with Job, 'My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you' (Job 42:5)"(pg.190). I have found myself in this place, bowing before His sovereignty, trusting His wisdom, and experiencing His consolations. I would never have sought out this trial as a way to lead me closer to God, yet it has been clear through it that God has sought me out.

Waiting

We continue to wait. This week Gretchen will be down at the orphanage and another meeting is slated to happen with Spendy's mom. She must be 100% on board with the adoption or she will be asked to take Spendy. If she takes him, Ted and I feel it is very likely that he will end up back at the orphanage again. Our prayer is that Spendy will not have to leave the O. That said, it all rests in the hands of God who sees the end from the beginning.

Pictures from Spendy's Birthday at the O

Here are some pictures of Spendy opening his presents. We sent a Thomas the Tank Engine back pack down, filled with Birthday goodies, with Shanley and Cameron in January. Sandy (the house mother) kept it tucked away until Spendy's special day. The back pack had a basketball, sunglasses, animal cookies, and a little train in it. The last picture is of Spendy "talking" to us yesterday on SKYPE...isn't the internet amazing!

BON FET SPENDY!

Spendy turned 3 yesterday, February 9th. We were able to talk to him via SKYPE today. He did not say much, but he could see us thanks to the webcam. We showed him Scout (our dog), snow, different rooms in the house, our car (big deal to the kids there), introduced him to Ryan (Alec was at his friend's house), and sang him Happy Birthday. We are thankful that three years ago Spendy was brought into this world and that God knew then that he would intertwine Spendy's life with ours.

"For You formed my inward
parts;
You wove me in my mother's
womb.
I will give thanks to You, for I
am fearfully and wonderfully
made;
Wonderful are Your works,
and my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from
You,
When I was made in secret,
skillfully wrought in the
depths of the earth;
Your eyes have seen my
unformed substance;
And in Your book were all
written
The days that were ordained for
me,
When as yet there was not one of
them."
Psalm 139:13-16

We are still daily praying for Spendy, and asking for God's intervention, His mercy. We thank God that so far Spendy is still at the orphanage. His mother has not returned. We are thankful to know we pray to a God who will accomplish His purposes...if Spendy is meant to be a Knox, he will be.