"What is crooked cannot be made straight."

We received news yesterday that Spendy's mom still wants him back. By this writing, he is probably with his mother. A cloud descended on the house last night after I heard the news. I lost my appetite, and, instead of a family dinner at the table, sat holding Shanley as we cried. Through all the tears I was aware that God has heard every prayer we've prayed. He has indeed answered, yet He has answered differently than we would have chosen. Why I do not know, for unlike Him I do not see the end from the beginning. I am not about what is best in the big scheme of things. I am not as I should be, first and foremost about His glory. I want to be, but in reality I am not.

I relate a lot to the Israelites. Last week as I thought about the situation with Spendy, I pondered on the fact that when Moses went to the Israelites and told them that God had heard their cries for deliverance and was going to take them out of the land of Egypt, they must have been so happy. What good news this must have been to them. They must have been shocked when the first of the plagues started! To my way of thinking if God says He is going to deliver me, I think OK...today, let's go, magic wand, yet that wasn't at all how God did it. He did it in a way that unmistakably showed His hand both to the Israelites and the Egyptions. He displayed His glory against the dark back drop of the plagues and then the impossible situations He put forth. He made sure the Israelites knew He was the One who had delivered them. Perhaps God is doing something similar with Spendy and will deliver him into our family, then again perhaps not. I do not know; I dare not expect that He is doing such a thing, yet I know He certainly could. I have never been so aware of His sovereignty, His absolute control. He has been in all of this, even the twisted, crookedness of it. Ecclesiastes 1:15 says, "What is crooked cannot be made straight."

The crookedness of it all has been, and continues to be, a purifer, revealing the truth of who I am and who God is. Jerry Bridge's book Trusting God has again ministered to me this week. Bridges speaks about how probably "the most valuable way we profit from adversity is in the deepening of our relationship with God. Through adversity we learn to bow before His sovereignty, to trust His wisdom, and to experience the consolations of His love, until we come to the place where we can say with Job, 'My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you' (Job 42:5)"(pg.190). I have found myself in this place, bowing before His sovereignty, trusting His wisdom, and experiencing His consolations. I would never have sought out this trial as a way to lead me closer to God, yet it has been clear through it that God has sought me out.

Waiting

We continue to wait. This week Gretchen will be down at the orphanage and another meeting is slated to happen with Spendy's mom. She must be 100% on board with the adoption or she will be asked to take Spendy. If she takes him, Ted and I feel it is very likely that he will end up back at the orphanage again. Our prayer is that Spendy will not have to leave the O. That said, it all rests in the hands of God who sees the end from the beginning.

Pictures from Spendy's Birthday at the O

Here are some pictures of Spendy opening his presents. We sent a Thomas the Tank Engine back pack down, filled with Birthday goodies, with Shanley and Cameron in January. Sandy (the house mother) kept it tucked away until Spendy's special day. The back pack had a basketball, sunglasses, animal cookies, and a little train in it. The last picture is of Spendy "talking" to us yesterday on SKYPE...isn't the internet amazing!

BON FET SPENDY!

Spendy turned 3 yesterday, February 9th. We were able to talk to him via SKYPE today. He did not say much, but he could see us thanks to the webcam. We showed him Scout (our dog), snow, different rooms in the house, our car (big deal to the kids there), introduced him to Ryan (Alec was at his friend's house), and sang him Happy Birthday. We are thankful that three years ago Spendy was brought into this world and that God knew then that he would intertwine Spendy's life with ours.

"For You formed my inward
parts;
You wove me in my mother's
womb.
I will give thanks to You, for I
am fearfully and wonderfully
made;
Wonderful are Your works,
and my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from
You,
When I was made in secret,
skillfully wrought in the
depths of the earth;
Your eyes have seen my
unformed substance;
And in Your book were all
written
The days that were ordained for
me,
When as yet there was not one of
them."
Psalm 139:13-16

We are still daily praying for Spendy, and asking for God's intervention, His mercy. We thank God that so far Spendy is still at the orphanage. His mother has not returned. We are thankful to know we pray to a God who will accomplish His purposes...if Spendy is meant to be a Knox, he will be.