We received news yesterday that Spendy's mom still wants him back. By this writing, he is probably with his mother. A cloud descended on the house last night after I heard the news. I lost my appetite, and, instead of a family dinner at the table, sat holding Shanley as we cried. Through all the tears I was aware that God has heard every prayer we've prayed. He has indeed answered, yet He has answered differently than we would have chosen. Why I do not know, for unlike Him I do not see the end from the beginning. I am not about what is best in the big scheme of things. I am not as I should be, first and foremost about His glory. I want to be, but in reality I am not.
I relate a lot to the Israelites. Last week as I thought about the situation with Spendy, I pondered on the fact that when Moses went to the Israelites and told them that God had heard their cries for deliverance and was going to take them out of the land of Egypt, they must have been so happy. What good news this must have been to them. They must have been shocked when the first of the plagues started! To my way of thinking if God says He is going to deliver me, I think OK...today, let's go, magic wand, yet that wasn't at all how God did it. He did it in a way that unmistakably showed His hand both to the Israelites and the Egyptions. He displayed His glory against the dark back drop of the plagues and then the impossible situations He put forth. He made sure the Israelites knew He was the One who had delivered them. Perhaps God is doing something similar with Spendy and will deliver him into our family, then again perhaps not. I do not know; I dare not expect that He is doing such a thing, yet I know He certainly could. I have never been so aware of His sovereignty, His absolute control. He has been in all of this, even the twisted, crookedness of it. Ecclesiastes 1:15 says, "What is crooked cannot be made straight."
The crookedness of it all has been, and continues to be, a purifer, revealing the truth of who I am and who God is. Jerry Bridge's book Trusting God has again ministered to me this week. Bridges speaks about how probably "the most valuable way we profit from adversity is in the deepening of our relationship with God. Through adversity we learn to bow before His sovereignty, to trust His wisdom, and to experience the consolations of His love, until we come to the place where we can say with Job, 'My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you' (Job 42:5)"(pg.190). I have found myself in this place, bowing before His sovereignty, trusting His wisdom, and experiencing His consolations. I would never have sought out this trial as a way to lead me closer to God, yet it has been clear through it that God has sought me out.
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13 comments:
I am praying for everyone in this situation, love you guys
Praying for you and your family!!!
Ugh, I can't even express the sadness in my heart regarding this. I will continue to pray for you & all involved. {{{ Super Sized Hugs }}} coming your way!
Argh! I just want to get mad about this continueing to happen! I know it's not anyone's fault, but it just makes me sad!
I am so sorry you have to live this. Know that we are praying for God to reveal the truth to you and your family!
Tina, I am so sorry for this! I hate what has happened! Praying for Spendy's Bio mom to change her mind. Praying for your hurts to heal.
i love you muvs.
this is what i told shan:
when joseph reunited with his brothers in egypt, these brothers who had sold him into slavery, he said to them, "you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive."
his brothers sent him away intending to harm him, but the Lord knew joseph would be their savior in the future. it was years before His plan was fully revealed. but how wonderful was His plan? and how much greater than what we would have planned? it makes me think of jer. 29:11. the Lord knows His plan and while we can't understand it, His plan is to prosper us, to give us a future and a hope.
it's tough, but we can trust in Him!
i am praying for your family! i know the Lord has a plan for each of you.
I am so sorry Tina. I am hurting with you. As I watched his mom last week it was evident that she is very young and confused. I continue to pray for you during this. What the Lord has been teaching you has really ministered to my heart as well. Thank you for sharing what you are learning and for being authentic.
Oh Tina, I ache for your family. I cannot imagine your tremendous pain and disappointment, but I feel such an emptiness in my heart to read this. I have no idea how this will end, of course, but I do know one thing: God will finish what He has begun. Shanley's love for TA's & Spendy, all the work of compiling your dossier, taking trips to Haiti & loving on Spendy and the other kids... The Lord made it all happen, providing the necessary funds and emotional help at just the right time... I simply cannot believe that this is "IT." I pray the Lord will guide you along lovingly & clearly as this story continues to unfold. I wish I could give you a big hug, my friend & sister. Love, Cara
my heart aches for your family and for Spendy. as i held him and loved on him this past week, i held him tight, not wanting to let him go. i continue to pray that God will deliver him to you, that this is just a hardship, a "plague" to show that it is God alone who delivers. The story is still unfolding, all the pain you are going through is for a reason, God has Sovereignly written out this story in a way that will end with the utmost display of His glory.
a quote from Sinclair Ferguson in his book "the Christian Life":
"How can all things be worked together by God for good? The answer is at hand. It is because God's ultimate purpose is to make us like Christ. His goal is the complete restoration of the image of God in his child! So great a work demands all the resources which God finds throughout the universe, and he ransacks the possibilities of joys and sorrows in order to reproduce in us the character of Jesus."
Praying for your family during this trial.
We also are praying for you. This is a frustrating and sorrowful place to be in, we know this all too well. We pray for peace that surpasses all understanding and for God to give you all you need to heal. I am praying this is not the end of the story, but just a chapter that is meant to grow and refine everyone, including Spendy and his birth mom. Love to you all!
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