Heading to Haiti

In my last blog I talked about the fact that our I-171h had come from Homeland Security, which meant we could go to Haiti for our December appointment. The only catch was we had to find cheap tickets. God, as He has done all along with this adoption, clearly revealed Himself again as the One who has put it all together and who is providing all that is needed. I prayed and began looking for plane tickets, and found them for unheard of cheap prices. Consequently, I am currently sitting beside my sweet husband on a plane. We will spend tonight and tomorrow night with Ted’s sister Becky and her husband Mike and their youngest daughter, Elia, in Orlando, FL. Then on Tuesday we will head for Haiti and Spendy. I cannot wait to fix my eyes on him again and to hold him. I also cannot wait to see him with Ted. I have not let myself dwell too much on Spendy because it is too hard, but today I am letting go. My mind is full of thoughts of the first time I met him and other things about him like how he wraps his little legs tightly around me when I carry him, the way he looks when he sleeps, or how his brown face looks with sweat beaded on his upper lip, or the way he reaches his arms up to be held. I also love to think about how his voice sounds when he says, “Mama.” Oh, how good it will be to be with this fifth child of ours.

Though he is not yet in our home, his presence in our family is felt. Pictures are up on the bulletin board above my desk and his framed photograph sits perched with the other kid’s phots on the piano. Alec and I went Christmas shopping on Friday, while Ryan was at basketball practice, and picked out a needle point stocking that is like the other kid’s stockings. It will hang with the rest this Christmas, for this is not like a child that I carry in my womb. This child is here, waiting, growing older daily.

This year we have a gorgeous tree and as I turned the lights off this morning, readying the house for our departure, I looked down at the present wrapped under the tree…a book for Spendy because Knox children get a book each Christmas. It says, ”To Jamison Spencer, Love Mommy and Daddy.” It is currently the only present under the tree. It is a foreshadowing of things to come, reminding me of the reality of this child. He is not a figment of my imagination, this Haitian son of mine, he is real, and in two days I will be tightly holding him. I cannot wait!

Our hope is that this will be our last Christmas where we have to go to Haiti to be with Spendy. I find myself thinking as we move through this holiday season “next year Spendy will be with us when we do_____________.” Lord willing He will be with us. For now, we prepare our hearts, excitedly anticipating the changes he will bring to our family, and we pray that the Lord is preparing his heart as well.